An Open Letter To Whom It May Concern

Hey You,

I've long wanted to tell you this but I can't--not because I don't have the courage because obviously I do, but for the reason that I can't speak with you anymore. I can't text you back. I can't answer your calls. I can't reply to your IMs. I can't comment on your posts. I am doing that not only for me but for the current relationship I have which I treasure very much. You've caused enough issues and I don't want more. As much as I value the friendship I have or had with you, I value the relationship I have with the man I am with more.

I don't and I never will regret knowing you since for quite a while, you made me smile--you always did. You know what to say to brighten my mornings and you know what to tell me when I'm down. You give wonderful advice career-wise and relationships-wise. You were like a big brother to me. That was how I saw you and I believe that was what I always told you. I appreciated every little thing you did for me; your concern, your thoughtfulness, your sweetness. Oh yes. That was your best quality. I thought you displayed that to everyone you knew. Yet, as I was so eager to share with my friends stories about these things you do for me, I found out I was mistaken. You were not like that to everybody. You were simply sweet to me. They made that clear to me. However, I was blinded by the brother I saw in you that I refused to accept it. I found no meaning in your sudden phone calls and texts out of the blue. I argued that you were naturally sweet to friends who were close you. I did not consider any of my friends' assumptions as true until Rey was the one who told me. Yes. It had to come from my own boyfriend.

After he enumerated all that you have done for me, especially the last time we saw each other, I was convinced. All the more with what you uttered that particular night. I can't believe you told me that. In front of other people--my friends, his friends. I treated you as a big brother. You didn't see me as a baby sister. You wanted me as you baby. Period.

How could you do that to me? It wasn't enough that you were into me even if you knew I was attached and more than that, you knew who I was attached to. You didn't respect the relationship I was in.

I was wrong for being dense. It was my fault that I didn't heed my friends' opinions about you. I am not certain whether I should blame myself for being nice to you. I grew up knowing that was how I should treat everyone, friends particularly.

I am writing this letter to let everything out for the last time. Please don't bug me anymore. Like what I have been doing, no matter how sincere your messages are, you would not receive a reply from me. I know you're not crazy so don't act like a stalker. It is not sweet. It is not mushy. Honestly, it's freaky. Don't bother to do anything to please me. There's absolutely nothing you can do to make me leave him. There's absolutely nothing you can do to make me fall for you. I love the man I am with. More than you'll ever know. So I am asking you, please, stop.

The world we are moving on is so small. The paths we are trailing could meet. I am 110% sure that we'll see each other again. I won't be hesitant to give you a smile then wave hello and walk on by. I wish you peace of mind and happiness. May you find the right one for you.

For it is not me and could never be.

Until then, goodbye.

It's Our 23rd Today

Amazing...
that we've come this far.

Surprising...
that we were able to make it somehow.

Fearing...
what tomorrow could lead us.

Pondering...
on all that was.

Unsure...
of what lies ahead.

Hoping...
that everything would be done not just said.

Praying...
that things would only get better.

Trusting...
knowing that we have each other.

Sticking...
to this, to us, not willing to let go.

Loving...
the man who kissed me 23 months ago.

It's A Small World After All

"There's so much that we share
And it's time we're aware
It's a small world after all..."

I used to hear this children's song daily during my week-long 'stint' at a preschool. Lately, I am coming to realize how true these lines are.

You see, I am an outgoing person; an extrovert as how people in my discipline would call it. Back in my undergraduate years, my friends and acquaintances came from different courses, colleges, levels, and organizations. Since I enjoyed [and still do] clubbing and partying, I get the chance to meet friends of friends, cousins of friends, siblings of friends, neighbors of classmates of friends, and the likes. When I began working, I met more people. Now that I am in graduate school, my circle of friends grew bigger.

Rey, for instance, had been classmates-slash-friends with my childhood friend-slash-neighbor-slash-almost kuya since they were kids. We even argued before as to whether his real childhood friend was Rey or I!

Recently, I keep on making these 'discoveries' about someone I know being friends with someone I also know and another someone I also know. Those two people I also know apparently know each other as well!

It was both fun and funny to realize these connections. I guess it is indeed true that we are associated to one another within six degrees.

I suddenly started asking myself whether or not it is a good thing. Watchathink?

Na-tal

In a couple of hours, I'll be less younger. It seems the people around me are more excited about it than I am. Actually they are excited and I am not. Why should I? Birthdays are normal. We all get it every year. Even my cabbage patch kid doll had a birth certificate to let me know when she was "born" to celebrate it. Plus, I wouldn't be the only one getting older tomorrow. There are thousands of people. Some I even know of. I already know what to expect tomorrow. Family, friends, anonymous personalities, freaky stalkers, and the likes would call, text, e-mail, IM, or what-have-you to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Heck, I even know beforehand what I would tell them..THANK YOU! We'd probably eat out for dinner. Yet, since I try to go on a diet, I would not eat much. Then, amazingly, we'd go home. Is that something to be excited about? I don't think so. Then again, before I retire to bed, I would probably remember that I still have unopened gifts. Now, that's something to be a little excited about. *wink*

The Term That Was

Finally, after another grueling term, it is term break once again. The finals week was the deadliest. We had to submit 85 papers compiled "creatively", a psychological evaluation of our patient, a take-home final exam which was given as such since if we were to answer it in class, it would take the entire term [as in], and a personal case history project.

Don't think that only the numbers make these tasks impossible. I tell you, it's not just it. To come up with 85 papers, you must have read 85 chapters of Yalom's book, think of designs to make it artsy fartsy, and have it ringbound. I am so resourceful that I merely placed them in a clearbook. Hehe. For the psychological evaluation, of course, I had to adminsiter and interpret psychological tests. The standardized tests were relatively easier but tell me, do you think it is easy to determine my client's stress level by simply looking at his drawings and reading the stories he made up? Hell No. Would it be easy to answer a 6-question final exam worth 230 points? Obviously not. Lastly, how easy is it to attach a mental disorder to yourself, make a social history that leads to it, have a discussion, conceptualization, and treatment? Not so much.

Imagine my joy and glee when I got our course cards along with the PPG. I didn't have any grade lower than 3.5! Yehey!! A 4.0 and a bunch of 3.5s!! [VERY] Hardwork really pays off..and it pays off very well.:) So off to Tagaytay we went right after the nerve-wracking course card distribution and spent lots of fun, dvd marathons, chills [from the cool air and the scary movies], beers [for them though], chips, and great food. Oh, the PPG. We are always together through the worst and best times.:) By the way, this term is so memorable for us for the reason that PJ's question, "gano katibay ang pundasyon ng PPG?" was answered. Uber strong. Unbreakable.

I was back at home late afternoon of Sunday. What better way to cap the weekend with a nice sumptuous dinner with the person who helped me with everything from answering tests, lending me his flash drive when I couldn't fine mine, typing the 85 papers and burning them on a CD, providing me a nokia charger [even that], fixing my deactivated mylasalle account, doing my on-line enrollment for me, going with me for my search for which UMPC to purchase, taking me out to "chill" and bearing with my bad moods from all the tiredness, ETC. Did i mention that he bought me this delectable and pretty cake that night only to satisfy my craving the night before? SWEET.:)

Speaking of cakes, this little princess will be a little less younger in a couple of days..5, as of this writing..:) Gifts are welcome.:)

Thanks in advance, mwaah!

One Hundred Ways

The so-called love month is nearly ending. I thought I could get away with posting anything in connection to it at this time but it seems that I can't. Fine. Pardon my pink font.

Love. I can give you Paul's definition of it but I'd rather you go look it up in the Holy Book instead. Or try Webster's online. Or the ever-helpful Wikipedia. My favorite is the one of Robert Sternberg's. It's not because I'm a psych major ok? Let's just say it's more realistic. His Triangular Theory of Love states that love has three components: Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. For us to obtain real love, the one we all wish for, the type the hopeless romantics would die for, the three components must be present. Hence, it is called consummate. Without passion, the love would be platonic; Companionate. Without commitment, it would be more of lust; physical. Eros. Without intimacy, it would be plain infatuation. So we ask how do we end up with all three? According to Sternberg, love is neither merely an emotion nor a state of mind. Love is a decision we make. If we want to love, then we commit ourselves to it. Passion and intimacy may or may not be present yet but it will stem out from one's desire to be in love.

When we love, we don't simply fall, we choose to fall. Sometimes we feel so much passion that we think our actions and emotions become uncontrollable but that does not happen. We are given free will therefore, we are always in control of our choices. Don't answer me with, "but I didn't have a choice.." Even Miranda says it in The Devil Wears Prada, "YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE. TO LIVE THIS KIND OF LIFE, YOU HAVE TO MAKE CHOICES."

Likewise, when we fall out of love, it is because we chose to do it. We must also not disregard the fact that in a relationship, there are two people involved. For that reason, in any matter, there are two people at fault, two people responsible. Yes, it takes two to tango. If your lover cheated on you, part of the blame is on you. You may have chosen to let it pass. You may have chosen to ignore it. You may have chosen to not give enough that he ended up finding someone to fill in what's missing.

We choose when to fall in love and we choose when to stop. Above all, we choose to maintain, nourish, and care for the love we have..and to do that, we must choose to act. Someone once sent me an SMS saying that love is a verb as well as noun, to love is to do and not just to feel, so unless you express it, love isn't real. How true. Love is more than late night calls, early morning talks, coffee breaks, gifts and physical presence. Otherwise, how would the love be different from the love shared by friends? Right? You must go beyond that. Extra effort perhaps?

Find One Hundred Ways.

Compliment what she does
Send her roses just because
If it's violins she loves, let them play
Dedicate her favorite song
And hold her closer all night long
Love her today
Find one hundred ways

Don't forget, there could be
An old lover in her memory
If you need her so much more
Why don't you say?
Maybe she has it in her mind
That she's just wasting her time
Ask her to stay
Find one hundred ways

Being cool won't help you keep a love warm
You'll just blow your only chance
Take the time to open up your heart
That's the secret of romance

Sacrifice if you care
Buy her some moonlight to wear
If it's one more star she wants
Go all the way
In your arms tonight, she'll reflect
That she owes you the sweetest of debts
If she wants to pay
Find one hundred ways

Love her today
Find one hundred ways

Borrowed that old lyrics from Mr. Ingram. To any man who might be reading this, be smart enough to read between the lines. Love her today..because today is all you've got.

First for the Year

What a year it has been. Indescribable. I can't believe it is now the start of another.

Yesterday was the start of the third term in school. I can feel the stress starting to arise pretty soon. The first term was great! Why not? We now have the PPG[TG] and the rest of MSPsycP! Research was demanding, tedious, and tiring. ClinFo had a deadly take home exam. Xgrothe made us suffer weekly written tests to be followed by temptations of alcohol and pulutan! Yeah. That's how we were last term. Always hanging out, drinking and dining. May it be cheapy Tulyase, Dematisse, Giligan's, or Greenbelt, there was always beer around. Come course card distribution day, our smiles reached both ends of La Salle. We had really high grades! Yey!!=) We may be partying hard, but we're still studying!! We have two classes with Sir Bob this term. I'm certain I'd be uploading more pictures of us and our beer bottles! But, I'm also sure there would be more cold sweat and endless nights typing papers and answering neverending homeworks. Good Luck to us!=)

* * *

I spent my Christmas holidays with Tita in Bacolod. 10 days still wasn't anough. I love Bacolod! Food is always delectable though affordable! I can't get enough of the La Paz Batchoy at 21 Restaurant. Fine Dining at a cheap price. I wasn't a fan of that noodle meal until I've tried it there. I finish an entire serving! Same goes with their fresh lumpia. I don't usually eat those since it has veggies but the ones from 21 are irresistable! Their lychee shake was oh-so fresh and their Plantation Iced Tea was oh-so-yummy! The very famous Calea Bakeshop didn't fail me. Every cake I tasted, whether chocolate or not, seemed to release endosphins in my body for they made me so happy! The pesto pasta and the lengua entree at the Bascon Cafe was everything it needed to be and more! No exaggeration! I can't go on musing on everything I ate there 'coz I might run out of days. Haha. It simply goes to show how great the food in Bacolod is for having a maarte girl like me be soo into it. I hope I get to go back there ASAP. I wouldn't mind flying by myself again..as long as I could get there!;)

* * *

Blossom has been going through something over the holidays. It has been a tough time for her and I'm glad she's now ready to fight and win this battle. Of course, buttercup and I are on her side to support and back her up. We're thinking of making cute banners with "Go Blossom!" Watchathink?