The so-called love month is nearly ending. I thought I could get away with posting anything in connection to it at this time but it seems that I can't. Fine. Pardon my pink font.
Love. I can give you Paul's definition of it but I'd rather you go look it up in the Holy Book instead. Or try Webster's online. Or the ever-helpful Wikipedia. My favorite is the one of Robert Sternberg's. It's not because I'm a psych major ok? Let's just say it's more realistic. His Triangular Theory of Love states that love has three components: Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. For us to obtain real love, the one we all wish for, the type the hopeless romantics would die for, the three components must be present. Hence, it is called consummate. Without passion, the love would be platonic; Companionate. Without commitment, it would be more of lust; physical. Eros. Without intimacy, it would be plain infatuation. So we ask how do we end up with all three? According to Sternberg, love is neither merely an emotion nor a state of mind. Love is a decision we make. If we want to love, then we commit ourselves to it. Passion and intimacy may or may not be present yet but it will stem out from one's desire to be in love.
When we love, we don't simply fall, we choose to fall. Sometimes we feel so much passion that we think our actions and emotions become uncontrollable but that does not happen. We are given free will therefore, we are always in control of our choices. Don't answer me with, "but I didn't have a choice.." Even Miranda says it in The Devil Wears Prada, "YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE. TO LIVE THIS KIND OF LIFE, YOU HAVE TO MAKE CHOICES."
Likewise, when we fall out of love, it is because we chose to do it. We must also not disregard the fact that in a relationship, there are two people involved. For that reason, in any matter, there are two people at fault, two people responsible. Yes, it takes two to tango. If your lover cheated on you, part of the blame is on you. You may have chosen to let it pass. You may have chosen to ignore it. You may have chosen to not give enough that he ended up finding someone to fill in what's missing.
We choose when to fall in love and we choose when to stop. Above all, we choose to maintain, nourish, and care for the love we have..and to do that, we must choose to act. Someone once sent me an SMS saying that love is a verb as well as noun, to love is to do and not just to feel, so unless you express it, love isn't real. How true. Love is more than late night calls, early morning talks, coffee breaks, gifts and physical presence. Otherwise, how would the love be different from the love shared by friends? Right? You must go beyond that. Extra effort perhaps?
Find One Hundred Ways.
Compliment what she does
Send her roses just because
If it's violins she loves, let them play
Dedicate her favorite song
And hold her closer all night long
Love her today
Find one hundred ways
Don't forget, there could be
An old lover in her memory
If you need her so much more
Why don't you say?
Maybe she has it in her mind
That she's just wasting her time
Ask her to stay
Find one hundred ways
Being cool won't help you keep a love warm
You'll just blow your only chance
Take the time to open up your heart
That's the secret of romance
Sacrifice if you care
Buy her some moonlight to wear
If it's one more star she wants
Go all the way
In your arms tonight, she'll reflect
That she owes you the sweetest of debts
If she wants to pay
Find one hundred ways
Love her today
Find one hundred ways
Borrowed that old lyrics from Mr. Ingram. To any man who might be reading this, be smart enough to read between the lines. Love her today..because today is all you've got.
Love. I can give you Paul's definition of it but I'd rather you go look it up in the Holy Book instead. Or try Webster's online. Or the ever-helpful Wikipedia. My favorite is the one of Robert Sternberg's. It's not because I'm a psych major ok? Let's just say it's more realistic. His Triangular Theory of Love states that love has three components: Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. For us to obtain real love, the one we all wish for, the type the hopeless romantics would die for, the three components must be present. Hence, it is called consummate. Without passion, the love would be platonic; Companionate. Without commitment, it would be more of lust; physical. Eros. Without intimacy, it would be plain infatuation. So we ask how do we end up with all three? According to Sternberg, love is neither merely an emotion nor a state of mind. Love is a decision we make. If we want to love, then we commit ourselves to it. Passion and intimacy may or may not be present yet but it will stem out from one's desire to be in love.
When we love, we don't simply fall, we choose to fall. Sometimes we feel so much passion that we think our actions and emotions become uncontrollable but that does not happen. We are given free will therefore, we are always in control of our choices. Don't answer me with, "but I didn't have a choice.." Even Miranda says it in The Devil Wears Prada, "YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE. TO LIVE THIS KIND OF LIFE, YOU HAVE TO MAKE CHOICES."
Likewise, when we fall out of love, it is because we chose to do it. We must also not disregard the fact that in a relationship, there are two people involved. For that reason, in any matter, there are two people at fault, two people responsible. Yes, it takes two to tango. If your lover cheated on you, part of the blame is on you. You may have chosen to let it pass. You may have chosen to ignore it. You may have chosen to not give enough that he ended up finding someone to fill in what's missing.
We choose when to fall in love and we choose when to stop. Above all, we choose to maintain, nourish, and care for the love we have..and to do that, we must choose to act. Someone once sent me an SMS saying that love is a verb as well as noun, to love is to do and not just to feel, so unless you express it, love isn't real. How true. Love is more than late night calls, early morning talks, coffee breaks, gifts and physical presence. Otherwise, how would the love be different from the love shared by friends? Right? You must go beyond that. Extra effort perhaps?
Find One Hundred Ways.
Compliment what she does
Send her roses just because
If it's violins she loves, let them play
Dedicate her favorite song
And hold her closer all night long
Love her today
Find one hundred ways
Don't forget, there could be
An old lover in her memory
If you need her so much more
Why don't you say?
Maybe she has it in her mind
That she's just wasting her time
Ask her to stay
Find one hundred ways
Being cool won't help you keep a love warm
You'll just blow your only chance
Take the time to open up your heart
That's the secret of romance
Sacrifice if you care
Buy her some moonlight to wear
If it's one more star she wants
Go all the way
In your arms tonight, she'll reflect
That she owes you the sweetest of debts
If she wants to pay
Find one hundred ways
Love her today
Find one hundred ways
Borrowed that old lyrics from Mr. Ingram. To any man who might be reading this, be smart enough to read between the lines. Love her today..because today is all you've got.
2 comments:
nicely written. just what i need. =)
4th paragraph reminds me of that movie i saw last week called Feast of Love. Greg Kinnear's character didnt see that his wife is likely to fall out of love for him and fall for someone else. he didnt see the signs. it took a Morgan Freeman to see it for him, because he was alert.
but as like what the movie says, in loving "jump on it with your eyes open." you have to know what you are dealing with. you must not be blind.
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