An Open Letter To Whom It May Concern

Hey You,

I've long wanted to tell you this but I can't--not because I don't have the courage because obviously I do, but for the reason that I can't speak with you anymore. I can't text you back. I can't answer your calls. I can't reply to your IMs. I can't comment on your posts. I am doing that not only for me but for the current relationship I have which I treasure very much. You've caused enough issues and I don't want more. As much as I value the friendship I have or had with you, I value the relationship I have with the man I am with more.

I don't and I never will regret knowing you since for quite a while, you made me smile--you always did. You know what to say to brighten my mornings and you know what to tell me when I'm down. You give wonderful advice career-wise and relationships-wise. You were like a big brother to me. That was how I saw you and I believe that was what I always told you. I appreciated every little thing you did for me; your concern, your thoughtfulness, your sweetness. Oh yes. That was your best quality. I thought you displayed that to everyone you knew. Yet, as I was so eager to share with my friends stories about these things you do for me, I found out I was mistaken. You were not like that to everybody. You were simply sweet to me. They made that clear to me. However, I was blinded by the brother I saw in you that I refused to accept it. I found no meaning in your sudden phone calls and texts out of the blue. I argued that you were naturally sweet to friends who were close you. I did not consider any of my friends' assumptions as true until Rey was the one who told me. Yes. It had to come from my own boyfriend.

After he enumerated all that you have done for me, especially the last time we saw each other, I was convinced. All the more with what you uttered that particular night. I can't believe you told me that. In front of other people--my friends, his friends. I treated you as a big brother. You didn't see me as a baby sister. You wanted me as you baby. Period.

How could you do that to me? It wasn't enough that you were into me even if you knew I was attached and more than that, you knew who I was attached to. You didn't respect the relationship I was in.

I was wrong for being dense. It was my fault that I didn't heed my friends' opinions about you. I am not certain whether I should blame myself for being nice to you. I grew up knowing that was how I should treat everyone, friends particularly.

I am writing this letter to let everything out for the last time. Please don't bug me anymore. Like what I have been doing, no matter how sincere your messages are, you would not receive a reply from me. I know you're not crazy so don't act like a stalker. It is not sweet. It is not mushy. Honestly, it's freaky. Don't bother to do anything to please me. There's absolutely nothing you can do to make me leave him. There's absolutely nothing you can do to make me fall for you. I love the man I am with. More than you'll ever know. So I am asking you, please, stop.

The world we are moving on is so small. The paths we are trailing could meet. I am 110% sure that we'll see each other again. I won't be hesitant to give you a smile then wave hello and walk on by. I wish you peace of mind and happiness. May you find the right one for you.

For it is not me and could never be.

Until then, goodbye.

It's Our 23rd Today

Amazing...
that we've come this far.

Surprising...
that we were able to make it somehow.

Fearing...
what tomorrow could lead us.

Pondering...
on all that was.

Unsure...
of what lies ahead.

Hoping...
that everything would be done not just said.

Praying...
that things would only get better.

Trusting...
knowing that we have each other.

Sticking...
to this, to us, not willing to let go.

Loving...
the man who kissed me 23 months ago.

It's A Small World After All

"There's so much that we share
And it's time we're aware
It's a small world after all..."

I used to hear this children's song daily during my week-long 'stint' at a preschool. Lately, I am coming to realize how true these lines are.

You see, I am an outgoing person; an extrovert as how people in my discipline would call it. Back in my undergraduate years, my friends and acquaintances came from different courses, colleges, levels, and organizations. Since I enjoyed [and still do] clubbing and partying, I get the chance to meet friends of friends, cousins of friends, siblings of friends, neighbors of classmates of friends, and the likes. When I began working, I met more people. Now that I am in graduate school, my circle of friends grew bigger.

Rey, for instance, had been classmates-slash-friends with my childhood friend-slash-neighbor-slash-almost kuya since they were kids. We even argued before as to whether his real childhood friend was Rey or I!

Recently, I keep on making these 'discoveries' about someone I know being friends with someone I also know and another someone I also know. Those two people I also know apparently know each other as well!

It was both fun and funny to realize these connections. I guess it is indeed true that we are associated to one another within six degrees.

I suddenly started asking myself whether or not it is a good thing. Watchathink?