"Anung nangyare sayo? Bakit ang payat payat mu na? Adik ka?"
Hmm..Let me think. Never have I taken any illegal drug so I can't be addicted to any. Alcohol. I've been having it for weeks for class. I had it last night. Not for class though. For me.
What can't you do with alcohol? Bottles of Red Horse and shots of tequila clouds your mind of all memories you want to forget--for the mean time.
Impulsive. That's me according to Pammy. I wouldn't beg to disagree. He's right. I am impulsive. I make hasty decisions all the time.
People don't just act or do something for no reason. I had reasons. INVALID ones, they say. Yet, no matter how much I squeeze my head to find VALID ones, I simply can't. Probably it's not something cognizant. Maybe it's something emotional. I could've been hurt and I am fearful of getting hurt more so I try to avoid it as early as now by staying away from the cause. Don't you think?
I love cab rides. No, I used to love cab rides. I have a blog way back in 2006 that is only dedicated to that. It was different last night. I was with Pammy. Only with Pammy. We weren't laughing or giggling like before. I was unusually quiet [which made him laugh by the way]. The music? OMG the music! Since when did I hate freakin' Careless Whisper and The One You Love? I mean, I don't like it but I don't care about it playing over manong driver's radio. I despised it last night. Only I know why. What was the next song? Kyla's Love Will Lead You Back. What the f*ck?! As Miranda said, people are stupid and just wants to be loved. That's the only reason anyone does anything. Screw that song.
So back to my cab ride. It was really different. I wasn't looking forward to going home. I wasn't into staying in the cab either. When we got to Tramo, the sky was not dark. I even told Pammy about it. It looked like 5am when it was only past 1. It reminded me of the time I so loved my cab rides in the wee hours of the morning. It was relieving and comforting. Unlike last night. Plus the stars around the trees of Makati! I loved it before! They were cute! Last night, they were dull. No light, just plain white stars. When I dropped Pammy to their house, my cab ride was more uncomfortable. I was fidgety. I don't know if I would sit near the door like I used to or in the middle. I don't know if I would lean or not. Freakin' cab ride.
I wasn't sleepy when I went to bed. I had to text someone to talk to me while I'm up. I had to text someone 'coz that's what I used to do. I had to text someone to rant and share what occurred in my long day. But that didn't happen. I was listening to my ipod and my texts were:
"videoke tayo! dali! bukas!"
"cge eto: tententenenen so much hurt so much pain takes awhile to regain what is lost inside and i hope that in time you'll be out of my mind i'll be over you but now i'm so confused my heart's bruised was i ever loved by you out of reach so far i never had your heart out of reach couldn't see we were never meant to be tententenenen..oh go ur turn!"
"hmm..it's gonna burn for me to say this, but it's coming from my heart it's been a long time coming but we've been fell apart, really wanna work things out but i don't think you're gonna change, i do but you don't think it's best we go our separate ways..ikw na ulet!"
"anu ba yan ang corny! don't sleep i'm still up! anu ka ba!"
So adik ba ku? Well, from a plain cab ride, songs over the radio, the color of the sky, the stars decorating Makati, to being impulsive and unreasonable, siguro nga adik aku.
But no..it still isn't true that people just wants to be loved and that it's the only reason anybody does anything. Pain can make someone do anything as well. It's not only love. It can't be only love.
